Who doesn’t know what I’m talking about… who’s never left home, who’s never struck out…
… she needs wide open spaces…
Yes, yes it is indeed the Dixie Chicks crooning in my ear. Some how it fits as I bumble down the Great East Road to, you guessed it, Eastern Province. I am a wide open space kind of gal because my no-fail antidote to feeling frustrated, bogged down, stuck is to find wide open space: feel the grass under my feet, the wind in my face, and the big, bright, blue Zambian sky all around me. Not surprisingly then, my last post (last year!) was also inspired by a trip down the Great East Road.
Driving down this road feels like an adventure – feels alive. As I leave the stresses of the city, the piles of paper on my desk, this is the Zambia that I will keep with me. The challenges of poverty and inequities loom all around, but truly engaging communities and working with people matters and it is a start. Yet in the day to day, it’s hard to move past the frustration with everything – systems, society, workplace. So perhaps, I’m really just another disillusioned person in development. And, there are so many voices out in the blogosphere who tackle the big bucket of development issues. Admittedly, I am a blog reader (all the while secretly wishing to be a fabulous blogger). I chuckled recently at a water engineer’s blog post when she mentioned one thing she would miss about Zambia were the shouts of “iwe” (you) in the street. Umm… no; I won’t miss that. It is certainly interesting to contrast the feelings of the early months of being in-country with the later months – where I am now.
I stopped writing this blog sometime ago because I stopped feeling I had anything to say. I was sad, depressed, angry, and it was not how I wanted to reflect. It felt like a vicious never-ending circle: I was angry and equally angry that I felt angry. Now I am wrapping up my time in Zambia in the next few months. It feels ok to go. I’ve been working and transitioning with my colleagues all along. Simpler things like staying up-to-date on the status and happenings of all community schools. And bigger things: What is the future of community schools in Zambia? What is the organisation’s position on community schools? Where does the organisation want to go? Personally, I am thankful that I am out of the phase of feeling there is no end. I have an end date, a date to look forward to seeing Canada, friends, and family again. Friends here have asked me if I’m going to have a going-away party. I think not. I’m in a slinking out of town mood. My leaving is not notable. A goodbye dinner would be nice and that is all I could want. These last few blog posts will be my way of saying goodbye. I still don’t know if I have anything to say, but at least I have this fantastic blue sky to write under.
